The Brink of Change and the Momentum of Life

I have a lot of writing to do this afternoon, but before I dive into work, I feel the need to sort out my thoughts. Lately, my mind has been going, going, going. Talking or writing things out always helps me find some clarity and peace.

I'm feeling this sense of urgency. Each day goes by and I feel like I could have accomplished more. The to-do list never ends, no matter how many items I check off. Perhaps that's just how life goes, but I'd like to get a handle on it.

I can see that many of the things on my mind are good and exciting and fun. Our calendar this spring is full of events, trips, and time with family and friends. I think I'm worried that it's going to make time fly even faster, that all of a sudden August will be here, I'll go into labor, and I won't feel ready.

Last week's picture (while it was still daylight!): 24 weeks.
The belt really accentuates the bump... ha!

I know you're never truly ready, but I want some time to take a breath, to drink in what's happening, to think about this baby and our life and how it's changing already. Sometimes I walk by the nursery and I pop in there, just to take a look at the crib and the way the sun shines through on the rug.

It feels like my business is gaining some momentum too, which is so exciting. New opportunities, new clients, new projects. People are reaching out to me and it's wonderful. It gives me reassurance that I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. There are times when I think about what might have been, where I'd be if I had stayed on the career path I was on, and sometimes that path feels safer. But I can't undo the past and everything I've gone through has brought me to this point. I'm growing, my business is growing, and yes, it takes time and work and so many ups and downs. I'm making progress and the reward is great.

Someday, I'll look back and see that each step I am taking now led to more good things. Scott and I were talking about that—how it will be nice to reflect and understand and feel confident in the choices we've made and are making. Hindsight is such a great thing, isn't it?

I think about different points in my life when I felt unsettled, uncertain, on the brink of change, and now I see how everything worked out for the best. We're going to my sister's college graduation soon, so I'll be returning to my alma mater. I don't remember all of the feelings I had when I graduated, but in the midst of the fun of senior week, the accomplishment of completing college, and the excitement of moving to Chicago and starting a new job, I know those bittersweet, topsy-turvy thoughts were there.

Life is good, but it's changing and it's moving so fast.